Beach Bum

I am seriously contemplating renting out my flat and traveling the world.

Should probably get a few flats though and it should probably be paid off first…

I wonder if I have traveled the world and saw every nook and cranny.  Would I do it all over again?  Would I be satisfied?  What will be next?

Scattered Ideas

I have a million and one ideas flooding my head.  I cannot wait to explore them all.

I have a million and one business concepts in my head and I cannot wait to explore all of them as well.

I cannot wait to move into our little house.

I cannot wait for Wednesday’s exam to be gone.  I have things to do and places to go to.

I feel excited about my friend’s baby room for some obscure reason.  I cannot wait to start painting little giraffe portraits for it.

We are thinking of a Thailand honeymoon.  I just want to plan it allready without having the exams in the back of my mind.

I have an excellent idea for the Friday before our wedding.  Cannot wait for that either! ūüôā

I cannot wait for many things.  Summer is one of it as well.

Deep and dark places

I don’t know where this unhappiness is coming from, but it is taking me to deep and dark places.

It might be that I am unhappy that my fianc√® didn’t take the new job with the R7000 increase. He would’ve even travelled with me to town and we coud’ve had the odd lunch together.  We would’ve saved petrol.  Plus he would’ve had a foot in the door for overseas traveling.  It might be why I am unhappy.

I might be unhappy due to the fact that no one respects me.  Especially the receptionist that sits behind me and talks too much even after I asked her not to.  I thought I love my job, but I am sure I don’t.  I don’t like the environment.  I thought it would be different in a big company.  I thought we’d have teambuilding and fun and games.  I guess that is just for the engineers.  Don’t mind me.  I also studied, in fact I studied gant charts and project management.  I am not a pauper.  Now I earn so much money that it will be dumb to leave and explore tutoring classes.  Yes it will work out, but I am not sure if it will work out as great as I am earning now.  I should be grateful for a big job in a big company with lotsa people.  Even if they tell me “what are wearing. You look tired. Why aren’t you smiling.”

God has to pick me up out of this deep dark hole.  I am not happy and it scares me.  I don’t want to feel like this.  I don’t want to be unhappy.  I don’t want to be scared of going to work.  I want to love work and I want to love the people.  I just want to be happy and be respected and cared for.  I want to smile. I want to wake up refreshed.  I want to wake up excited.  I want to jump out of bed, late.

I am not enjoying this life.  I don’t understand it.  People are just making  babies and getting divorced.  I don’t get it. 

I feel lost and alone in this world. 

Breakfast Club

Dit het onder my aandag gekom dat die ingenieurs in my departement gister oggend vir ontbyt gegaan het.  Dit het al voorheen gebeur dat hulle vir middagete gegaan het.

Dit stem my hartseer.  Ek wil s√™ ek weet nie hoekom nie, maar ek weet.

Dit laat my uit voel.  Tog weet ek nie of dit die doel is nie.  Hoekom sal hulle so iets doen?  Spanbou?  ‘n Hegte band vorm?

Dit het my heeldag in ‘n aaklige bui van depressie gehad.

Hoekom word die tegniese span nie ook op ‘n ontbyt getrakteer nie?

Is ons nie goed genoeg nie?

Is ons die gepeupel?

Ek het ook drie jaar geswot? Inteendeel ek swot nog heeltyd! Ek is konstant besig met kursusse om my op te bou.

Ek is so kwaad en so hartseer gelyk.  Ek voel vernederd.  Ek voel misrabel.  Ek voel soos ‘n grou wintersdag.  Soos ‘n drygende storm.

Sê ek dit vir ons hoof ingenieur? Of sê ek dit vir HR. Of hou ek dit vir myself en probeer dit verwerk?

Dit laat my nie deel van die span voel nie.  Ek wonder of die ander departemente se ingenieurs dit ook doen.

Dit grens aan slawerny. Aan eersteklas vliegtuigsitplekke waar die gordyn toegetrek word.

Dit stem my negatief.

Irritasies en ander fieterjasies

As daar nou een ding is wat ek nie kan vat nie, is dit ‘n geskinder.  Daar is eintlik ‘n paar goed wat ek nie kan vat nie. 

Die geraas van ‘n pakkie aartappelskyfies soos iemand hul hand daarin druk en weer uithaal.  Dit irriteer my grensloos. 

Mense wat fluister.

Die gekap van handpalms op ‘n tafel asof die mense wafferse dromspelers is.

Mense wat neurie… mense wat al langs die noot neurie.

Die geluid van ‘n mond wat slaai eet, reg langs my.

Al hierdie geluide vererger met kwadraat 10 as ek besig is om te sit en werk.  Met ander woorde, konsentreer.

Mense wat sug.  Aanhoudend. 
Dit voel as of die sug op my skouers val en my af druk in die grond in.  Dit voel asof die gras vrek waar daardie sug val.

Die geluid van n lepel wat geroer word of klingel teen die kante van n pap bak of ‘n jogurt houertjie.

Mense wat aanhoudend praat.  Mense wat met hulself praat.  Mense wat s√™ wat hulle doen vir hulself en hoekom.

Dit is veiliger om te sê alles irriteer my.

Daar is grade van irritasie, of eerder ander klasse. 

Soos byvoorbeeld as iemand nie kan spel nie.  Dit sit my af.

Net so ook as mense in geselskap op hul foon is. Al is daar net twee mense.  Sit sit my ook af.  Dit stel my teleur.

5 September 2012


I am so behind with my blog, it is not even funny.

This morning I had a bit of a slow start, had early breakfast, wheatbix, but only started my assignment at around 10am or 11am.  Had a good hour or two working on it.

The kitchen was a mess, tried cleaning it a bit, but washing the dishes had to wait.  My mom went to watch birds at around 6am and that causes everything to be disturbed.  I had to make food, but I just have too much assignments now and have to try and finish it before going to pick up the kids.

Didn’t have a good day at ‘work’.¬† The boy looks sad or distracted every day.¬† I am not sure what the problem could be.¬† But each day he is more quiet than the previous day.¬† We had to go to the library and the boy made us late, because he likes to sit on the toilet for long and gets distracted when he needs to just get dressed and run.

Saw one of my old teachers at the library and I suppose she didn’t notice me or remembered me, Juffrou Aucamp.¬† My hockey teacher and my bookkeeping teacher.

Think I should go study at the library from now on, it seems quiet there.  Which will be good.  The blood donation group were there today and it seems scary.  The little guy wants to know how long can blood stay alive.  Can anyone tell?  How long can you keep donated blood? 

Funny enough, we got all our tasks done, but it wasn’t a satisfying day.¬† It feels like the girl is on her own mission.¬† She had lunch at 4:30 and I told that to the mom and she got scolded at.¬† My fault!¬† I just felt the mother should know and she should eat right.¬† I guess she was so sucked into her book.¬†

I walked the dog, but the girl didn’t want to come along, I am not sure why.¬† Maybe it is me?¬† I saw the most beautiful bird on our way.¬† It should be a sugarbird, because of its size.¬† It is black and green in colour.

Mom made dinner, I just made us some mash with it.¬† And then it took me 2 hours to start with my assignments… I am more distracted than the boy, I guess.¬†

Today is Mr Guy and me’s 21 month dating anniversary.¬† He gave me little flowers he picked out of the garden.

Today was so-so, nothing great or grand.¬† I shall have to surprise the lil guy with something tomorrow or try and make the day fun.¬† I don’t like it when he looks so gloomy.

Off to assignments once again.


30 August 2012

Good evening.

Posted yesterday’s blog this afternoon, but it somehow didn’t publish, it only went through now. I am running a bit behind, hey.

The doorbell rang at 7:40, the gardener announced his arrival and I was awake since then.

Had breakfast outside and a crazy mother inside. She is sick and somehow very moody. It causes stress and tension in me. I hate it when she shouts. That’s when I decided to take the dog for a walk. She LOVED it. She doesn’t stop running, even though I can hear that she is out of breath, she keeps on pushing forward. Wish I had that ability in me when I run. ūüėÄ She found water and the mud just came with it. Of course she had to stand in it with all four paws, drinking water.

The afternoon went by in a rush. I had to bake cupcakes for my brother’s office.. Made lunch. Mr Guy had half day and could run the errands my mom once again gave me.

The lady boss phoned me and I missed her call, I felt like such an idiot. She just wanted to make sure that I am going to fetch the kids. Which was a daunting task, especially the boy. There’s no parking at the school and all the moms are there and to top it all… boy child was playing with his mates on the other side of the fence. I had to park the car, call him across the fence, but he didn’t hear me. Then I had to ask another girl standing closer by to call him for me. They had lunch and I stood around not knowing what to do. This is sort of terrible. I am not sure if the studying went well, he coloured in and I studied, asking him questions. I know he loved it, but was it the right way? Is he going to ace his test? Only time will tell. At least he drew pictures relevant towards his studies.

I had to make dinner once again. A quick one, since we had band practice. Which was enjoyable, except for long periods of admin and waiting, but one of my favourite songs are in it. The modified Amazing Grace by Chris Tomlin. If I am not mistaken.

Mr Guy went for his back and his uncle and had a nice chat about the pets and camera’s.

Back home I had to ice the cupcakes. Except my brother left me a message saying the following: “if you are tired or so, you don’t have to ice the cupcakes. I will buy some cake tomorrow rather.” Disturbed much? I didn’t enjoy that message at all. Iced it anyway.

Time for bed! Looking forward to tomorrow’s challenges.

Forgot to tell you that the engineer phoned yesterday while I was with the kids, he left a message. He asked me when I would be coming in, as we discussed last Friday and that he’ll call again…

Night night



29 August 2012


I was so upset last night that I didn’t update you on yesterday’s happenings, but after some sleep, I can manage to blog, but I am not fully my happy self yet.

Let us start from the bottom. I had to be up at 7am to be at the mechanic around 8am. I am glad to inform you that I made it, but my eyes were sleepy and I could’ve done for another hour or two.

Lucky for me I could wait across the road at the Mc Donalds. The mechanic had to put new brake discs on my little old faithful. It should’ve taken them and hour, but they phoned me after an hour and said the manufactures sent them the wrong discs. I had to wait another hour or two. I was double lucky, because Mc Donalds had 100mb, 60 minutes free internet and they only got it the day before. Once the 60minutes were done, I felt a bit lost for a few seconds, because I was busy with social media marketing. I had my laptop with me, by the way and the Vanilla Chai Latte from Mc Cafe was delish. I kept myself busy with time planning and what I should do when.

At about 10am I had enough sitting around, read the paper and walked to the Agri Mark to check out some rain boots. The women’s rainboots only go up to a 8 and I am a 9. Great guns. Found a nice pair on the men’s side, with fur in, but the price is high. R350. Whereas the women’s boots are R140. Tut-tut.

Mr Mechanic phoned me, but my phone was on silent. I saw it once I walked out and walked to their workshop but saw him driving my car at the Mc Donalds… I felt a bit awkward. R1500 later, I have now new brakes and got a speech. “Ma’am, don’t drive to fast, brake too fast and brake well in advanced and please try and avoid Emergency Braking (is that even a word?) I felt 18 again. I can drive and I have 9 years experience.

Had to run some errands for my mother. First went into Bernina to get a footing of the machine she ordered, but no one knew what I was talking about and I kept on saying it costs R18 and the old coloured lady snorted each time I said that. She started working on my nerves. She wasn’t being helpful. The white old lady behind the counter asked me to phone my mom with their phone. So much drama. In the end, they don’t have it, they are waiting for it.

The foam place, next door, smells like cigarettes and it is very deurmekaar (chaotic) in there. The guy is strange too. I had to pick the fillings up they had to cut for my mom.

Back at home I was so tired, I ate lunch and felt like sleeping, didn’t want to look bad on my first day as an Au Pair. I tried sleeping, but couldn’t. Got up, showered, and I once again had to prepare dinner. That was a bit stressful, since I wanted to make sure my car is clean. My mom went out for the day, but she is sick. I think she is taking advantage of me being at home in the mornings.

If I may say so myself, I made dinner in a record time.

I arrived at my new job and the girl was there. We just talked. I felt a bit out of place. The admin got done when her mother arrived. She showed me around the house and we talked through their schedules. It is going to be strange. I have to help the boy with his school work and he has a mind of his own. The girl and her mom left and the boy and I stayed behind. He had to do his tables and his guitar lesson. He tidied up. Ran to his room and shouted that I don’t have to sit with him and closed the door. I heard him playing the guitar, but that was the most awkward part. Standing there, not knowing what to do. I literally just stood their in the middle of the lounge waiting. Luckily he came out and I was relieved, because he had his tekkies in his hand and I knew we could go walk the dog. The boy rides his bicycle and I walk the dog, the dog is almost 16 years old… I tried keeping a eye on the boy and walked slowly with the dog, but he waited for us, which made me at ease. Sometimes I lost sight of the boy and lightly tucked at he dog’s leash, but she wouldn’t budge! I felt a bit helpless. This is going to be a challenge.

At home he wanted to know if I would like the watch TV, and I know his parents don’t want him to watch and besides I don’t like TV. He couldn’t believe that, he said everyone in his class, LOVES TV. Then he asked if I wanted to play with his PSP. This was funny. I later got handed prestick and had to play with that. He then insisted that he is going to make a fire for me and I just agreed. We sat infront of the fireplace and talked. He layed on his back just laughing and talking. At that moment I felt certain. His mother and sister arrived and the neighbour. I had to meet her, because she gave me the elderly person job and then I left.

Got home, had dinner and then Wiaan arrived. We had to go to cell. And then it all started. A quarrel about nothing. It just escalated. So I guess it is safe to say I don’t want to talk about the evening and it wasn’t pleasant.

That’s it!


28 August 2012

It will soon be the 29th of August…

I woke up late this morning, with no headache.  Thank goodness.  Except I had to take the car to the mechanic and it took me some time to get ready.

It was a beautiful sunny day outside, despite it being Winter and I decided to have my breakfast outside in the gorgeous garden.¬† My mother’s pride and joy.

Took an hour to eat, shower and get dressed.  Actually enjoyed that, taking my time, no rush, no being late.  The dog jumped in the car, before I was even ready to go, she was so excited that she could go along for the first time in months.  She enjoyed every moment, although she seemed like she was hot a nervous, I know she loved it.

Seeing the mechanic in 8 hours again.  Should be sleeping, story of my life, but this time I am honestly tired and a good earned tired that is. 

After driving around town, collecting my book at Postnet and buying my mom meds, I stopped at the house.¬† Tessa got out of the car but stood in the garage, didn’t want to budge. I knew she wants the walk I thought we’d had if the mechanic took my car.¬† We would’ve walked home, but it didn’t work out that way.¬† My heart melted seeing her staying put in the garage waiting for me to take her.¬† We went.¬† She ran and I got dragged along.¬† It was a gorgeous day as I have mention and she chased the guinea fowls and wild ducks.¬† We saw a good pair of shoes laying in the grass too.

The recycle bin guys are on duty on Tuesdays and the one guy has to walk and clean out all the bins and put it in bags and get it ready for when the truck arrives.¬† Be glad that is not your job.¬† Not sure why everyone’s recyclable junk is not in bags.¬† That would make their job easier.

Had lunch in the garden too and took care of my mother who has the flu. 

Tried leaving for Stodels to buy fishes, but my mother remembered she had a notepad and I had to teach her again how to use it.  Took me an hour to leave.

Left with the intention to surprise someone, but I am not sure he was at all that surprised.

The guy that helped me with the tropical fish told me that when he started there, he caught the plants with the net too, for he thought that was fish as well. I have no words.¬† I bought neons¬†and Algi¬†eaters. And a flower for a special lady.¬† Not happy with the service I got at Stodels.¬† No one helped me carry all my fishes and plants and I had to go back to fetch another plant, after leaving the fishes at reception.¬† First a Russian lady helped me, but she is so old and I don’t know, unhelpful? She showed me away and went on lunch. Oh my goodness, SERVICE people. The other episode that was not on my happy list, they say the flower is on a special, but what you don’t know, the pot that the flower is in, the bright pink one, is NOT. But once you are at the till, you are caught and she swipes the flower and then the pot and you are all like… but but… OH WELL!

We washed the cars and played soccer with the little 3-year-old.  Yes, my legs hurt now and my ankles are once again taking a beating.  Hope this too will end.  The sore part.  Not the playing and running around part.

Had more of a free feeling today, but something is still holding me by the ankle.  It is like there is a small piece of my previous job trying to hold me down. 

My new job starts today, guess I need some sleep.

His dad mails me letters that I should visit more often, but when I do visit, no one is around. Or they are there for a while but make sure they leave.¬† Yes, it does get to me.¬† I don’t know why.¬†

By 8am I was tired as ever! It is a great feeling.¬† Just a pity I couldn’t just flop into bed then and there.¬† Only got home at 9:30pm and there my mother was being all moody again.¬† It makes me stress, but when we talked later, I realised what made her moody.¬† Ah, life.¬† Sweet bitter thing.


And this is why I am still awake, YOUTUBE!¬† You have to watch this… Too cute. ūüėÄ

Britain’s Got Talent (dog and owner dancing) 2012 winners


27 Augustus 2012


I have resigned from a well respected job to live out a few dreams or to become happy.  Today was my first day of freedom. although I was still pinned down and till 2pm.

The company refused to pay my last salary they owed me and since Friday I had to fight for it.  It gave me anxiety attacks and a huge amount of stress.  I could kiss my financial advisor, because se gave me an email that I had to pass on and an hour or a frustrating two, later, I received my salary.

I woke up this morning with¬†a headache from hell.¬† I couldn’t lift my head.¬† It could’ve been¬†because of yesterday’s¬†crying or the lack of water the weekend.¬† It could be both?!¬† The headache unfortunetly lasted the¬†entire¬†day.¬† I popped a few¬†vitamin pills, drank water and tea.

In the moments I felt¬†myself, I baked cupcakes, especially for our neighbours that gave us brownies about 8 months ago.¬†¬†I told her that the cupcakes were way over due, but she just smiled.¬† Her children kept asking why is the lady giving her cupcakes.¬† They were on the other side of the wall and couldn’t see me, she stood on her toes and could barely see me.¬† I love this kind of neighbouring gestures.¬† Handing goodies over the wall.¬† She seems like a wonderful person.¬† I would love to see more of her.¬†

Then again, most people I meet, I would love to see again, but alas.

I have found a type of relieve after receiving my salary, but total freedom is not resting in me yet.  I am sure the company would phone me soon to ask me to help them out.  I am not up for a struggle anymore.

I can feel my ankles taking a punishment after all the workout it received today.  Partly because I am used to sit for 9 hours a day and partly because I am overweight.

The¬†lady that I am going to work for referred me to another lady.¬† It is¬†great, since I haven’t even worked for the first lady yet.¬† I will now together with the Au-Pairing,¬†drive an elderly lady to the hospital and make sure she receives her medicine.¬† She¬†needs wheelchair assistance.¬† I am looking forward to that!

I will have to make lists of goals I would like to adchieve each day, otherwise the days are going to go by and I will not grow or reach my dreams. 

I am almost happy and at peace, but still a bit uncertain.

Sleep tight.


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